Are you and your spouse speaking the same language? Dr. Gary Chapman reveals how different people express love in different ways. What speaks volumes to you may be meaningless to your spouse. But here, at last, is the key to understanding each other's needs. Learn the right language, and soon you'll know the profound satisfaction of being able to express your love and - feeling truly loved in return.
Amazon.com Review:
Unhappiness in marriage often has a simple root cause: we speak different love languages, believes Dr. Gary Chapman. While working as a marriage counselor for more than 30 years, he identified five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. In a friendly, often humorous style, he unpacks each one. Some husbands or wives may crave focused attention; another needs regular praise. Gifts are highly important to one spouse, while another sees fixing a leaky faucet, ironing a shirt, or cooking a meal as filling their "love tank." Some partners might find physical touch makes them feel valued: holding hands, giving back rubs, and sexual contact. Chapman illustrates each love language with real-life examples from his counseling practice.

How do you discover your spouse’s – and your own – love language? Chapman’s short questionnaires are one of several ways to find out. Throughout the book, he also includes application questions that can be answered more extensively in the beautifully detailed companion leather journal (an exclusive Amazon.com set). Each section of the journal corresponds with a chapter from the book, offering opportunities for deeper reflection on your marriage.

Although some readers may find choosing to love a spouse that they no longer even like –hoping the feelings of affection will follow later– a difficult concept to swallow, Chapman promises that the results will be worth the effort. "Love is a choice," says Chapman. "And either partner can start the process today." --Cindy Crosby. This text refers to the Amazon.com Exclusive Journal & Paperback Book Set.

Customer Reviews Average rating - 4.5

Rating - 5 Date: 2009-01-07
Content: Gary Chapman writes in his book about the five specific languages of love ~ Physical Touch, Quality Time, Gifts, Words of Affirmation, and Acts of Service. Once you know your own love language as well as others, relationships soar! I loved this book!! :)
Summary: Is Your Love Tank Full?

Rating - 5 Date: 2009-01-06
Content: Gary Chapman's book on the five love languages is a great book for any marriage. He does a great job of explaining the different ways people give and receive love and the choice we make to love others.
Summary: Great book for any marriage

Rating - 5 Date: 2009-01-05
Content: Very insightful regardless of the religious basis. Provides information that will makes sense to both men and women about how to love, but also how to be loved.
Summary: Very Insightful!

Rating - 5 Date: 2009-01-04
Content: I found this book to be extremely helpful in understanding my family. Once you realize that not everyone expresses love the way you do, you begin to see all the things they do to show they love you.
Summary: Very helpful

Rating - 4 Date: 2009-01-04
Content: Knowing we were going to be spending a lot of time in the car on our vacation, I purchased Gary Chapman's classic work on marriage, The Five Love Languages, in audio book format, before we left. It was the first time I've purchased an audio book and, to be honest, I was not too sure what to expect. Though I've heard from several friends that audio books are a great substitute for the written word - I had my doubts. Among them were thoughts that listening to an author read a book would be boring. I also feared the format would make it difficult to follow the author's line of thought and reasoning.

Fortunately, these fears proved to be unfounded. Listening to Chapman read the book was easy and the many stories he offers as examples from his years of counseling kept both my wife and I interested and engaged in the material.

The premise of Chapman's book is quite simple. Chapman asserts there are five different ways of expressing love, or love languages: 1) words of affirmation; 2) quality time; 3) receiving gifts; 4) acts of service; and 5) physical touch. Chapman devotes a chapter to each of these love languages, offering numerous examples and practical tips on how to properly express these languages of love to your mate. At the end of each chapter on one of the love languages, Chapman offers ten tips for expressing that language to one's husband or wife. This is in keeping with the practical nature of the book; throughout Chapman keeps his audience of married couples living real lives in mind as true stories and practical advice make up the meat of the book.

Chapman also believes that each individual person will have these love languages ranked differently in order of importance. In other words, a husband might best feel loved by his wife's acts of service but the wife might feel most loved when her husband spends quality time with her. This can lead to confusion, Chapman says, within the marriage. Because the husband feels most loved when his wife does things for him (e.g. iron his shirts, clean the house, cook dinner, etc.) he naturally believes that she will also feel most loved when he does acts of service for her (e.g. mow the lawn, wash the car, etc.) when, in reality, she would much rather have him spend that time with her. Of course, she feels she can best express her love to him by spending time with him when he would rather have her help him with chores around the house. After a few years of this cycle, both the husband and wife begin to feel unloved and frustrated that their partner does not appreciate the ways they are trying to express their love to each other - all because they didn't understand that their spouse's primary love language is different than their own.

Chapman explains that this is why it is so important to understand which of the love languages are most important to you and your spouse. He also states it is important to realize that these love languages are not better or worse than each other; that they are more a matter of personal preference and that different individuals will respond differently to each of them. Because Chapman believes this to be so crucial, he devotes a chapter to helping couples discover their primary love language. As a bonus feature, the audio book Karen and I purchased included a questionnaire designed to help Chapman's readers (listeners?) recognize their own primary love language and that of their spouse.

One of the few problems I have with the book is Chapman's attempt to blame the vast majority of marital problems on simple errors in expressing the wrong love language to their marital partner, stating that most men and women have good intentions when it came to their interactions with their spouse. While it is undoubtedly true that many problems are caused by communication breakdowns, and I wholeheartedly believe an attitude of grace and forgiveness should permeate a marriage, it seems Chapman downplays the effect of mankind's sinful nature.

Perhaps Chapman just wants to emphasize that every benefit of the doubt should be extended to our spouses (something I wholeheartedly agree with!) but listening to The Five Love Languages it was easy to get the impression that every marital spat, fight, argument and discord could be attributed to a simple misunderstanding; that a "good" and "well-meaning" husband or wife would never intentionally hurt the feelings or demean their significant other. This is simply not true and ignores the fundamental problem in any marriage - that it consists of two imperfect sinners!

My wife and I enjoyed listening to the book on our travels. The format and setting gave us the unique opportunity to discuss each chapter immediately after we were done listening to it. Chapman used humorous stories effectively, keeping us interested throughout.
Summary: Great and Practical Advice for Married Couples